the unexpected, the strange and the scary

OMG! I'm completely losing it. This can't be happening to me!

He came back this morning. I swear that when I saw him my heart skipped a beat just like they say in the stupid cheesy novels. Then it began beating very fast and I developped a huge knot in my stomach and I had to Concentrate in order to speak coherently and I felt my cheeks going red. OMG! I think I might have a panick attack. Or a heart attack. I'm too old for this. I could not eat lunch. Only thinking about food made my stomach moan. It said "Don't make me have to swallow things because it would be impossible, I refuse to unknot and the said things would have to go somewhere else". This is insane. I don't skip lunch because of men. It just doesn't happen to me.



This is what happens to teenagers. I wanted the butterflies and the insecurity. That's what makes life more exciting, right? As if I needed a more exciting life! I'm sooooo stupid. Stupid stupid stupid! Not only is this completely insane (I know I'm repeating myself, it's one of the symptoms) and not going anywhere (though I could think of one or two places I would want this to go to) even with grounds that it would be a shared feeling, the problem is that I don't Think that it is a shared feeling. I may see some little signs, but it is certainly My imagination. Definately. Otherwise I would be Really pissed.



Now I remembered why I'm hanging on the safe, "we've lived our share of passion now we just care about each other" "we already know the best and worst about each other" kind of relationship. Because this other stuff is scary. I mean Really scary.



Ok. this feels better. I had to tell someone about this. Just breath in, breath out and get through the day Tess. He'll be gone tonight. I can't wait to be locked in my room. I'll just hang on to that thouight for the rest of the day and I'll be ok.